Compliments

I am horribly awkward when it comes to receiving compliments.

Have you seen this pin on Pinterest?  Because it’s totally my life.

I have one of two typical reactions when someone compliments me.  The first is to completely negate what they’re saying.  

Them: “I love this (insert dinner dish) that you made!”

Me: “Oh gosh well of course I used way too much sauce and I think I went a little crazy with the pepper which probably makes it too spicy.  Also I forgot to add the extra pinch of garlic powder which I’m sure just throws off the whole thing.”

Or, I awkwardly can’t stop talking/rambling.

Them: “I love the color of your sweater!”

Me: “I just got it from the J Crew outlet in Lehi.  It was on sale for $29 and then on top of that it was an additional 50% off so I decided to buy three other ones even though I’m not sure if I have anything to go with the pink one but it was such a nice color that I couldn't not buy it, especially at that price.” (probably more information than they wanted to know.)

But lately, I've realized something.  Not knowing how to accept compliments is just no good.  I understand why we all struggle with this (that’s assuming that I’m not the only one.)  We feel it can be hard to accept a compliment without coming across as vain, overly confident, or stuck-up. So naturally, we respond by talking about the things we should have done better. We suggest that other people deserve the credit. We explain that there’s still so more to be done. We downplay our work, change the subject, or put others in the spotlight in our place.

WE NEED TO STOP.  Let me share with you a valuable lesson I learned from the year-and-a-half I spent in the lovely countries of Belgium and the Netherlands.

During this time I was required to learn Dutch in order to communicate and teach the people in their language.  Let me tell you, it was HARD.  I struggled a lot.  And the Dutch, being a very blunt people, didn’t hesitate to let me know if I messed up.  However, after a lot of tears and frustrating days and nights, I finally started to get compliments from people.

Them: “Wow, your Dutch sounds really good!  Very impressive for an American!” (something along those lines)

Me: “Oh well I think I messed up the pronunciation of that last word, and I’m still really struggling with the whole guttural thing.”

Now in America, whomever I was having this conversation with probably would have just accepted my self-defeat, and moved the conversation along.  But not in the Netherlands.  People legitimately started getting upset with me for not accepting their compliment.

Them: “I hear you speaking Dutch, yes?  You’ve been studying, yes?  You’re here listening and understanding me, yes?”

Me: “Uhhh..yes.”

Them: “Then you say “dank je, ik doe mijn best.” (translation = “thank you, I do my best”)

“Thank you, I do my best.”  What a perfect response!  It both thanks the other person for their gracious comments, while at the same time simply acknowledging that you’ve done your best.  Which really, is all that we can do.

Bottom line: You work hard.  You are amazing!  So stop dismissing compliments that come your way!  Learn to just say “thank you, I do my best.”  And who knows--maybe you’ll finally start to see yourself the way other people see you--and trust me, you’ll be pleasantly surprised.