Compliments

I am horribly awkward when it comes to receiving compliments.

Have you seen this pin on Pinterest?  Because it’s totally my life.

I have one of two typical reactions when someone compliments me.  The first is to completely negate what they’re saying.  

Them: “I love this (insert dinner dish) that you made!”

Me: “Oh gosh well of course I used way too much sauce and I think I went a little crazy with the pepper which probably makes it too spicy.  Also I forgot to add the extra pinch of garlic powder which I’m sure just throws off the whole thing.”

Or, I awkwardly can’t stop talking/rambling.

Them: “I love the color of your sweater!”

Me: “I just got it from the J Crew outlet in Lehi.  It was on sale for $29 and then on top of that it was an additional 50% off so I decided to buy three other ones even though I’m not sure if I have anything to go with the pink one but it was such a nice color that I couldn't not buy it, especially at that price.” (probably more information than they wanted to know.)

But lately, I've realized something.  Not knowing how to accept compliments is just no good.  I understand why we all struggle with this (that’s assuming that I’m not the only one.)  We feel it can be hard to accept a compliment without coming across as vain, overly confident, or stuck-up. So naturally, we respond by talking about the things we should have done better. We suggest that other people deserve the credit. We explain that there’s still so more to be done. We downplay our work, change the subject, or put others in the spotlight in our place.

WE NEED TO STOP.  Let me share with you a valuable lesson I learned from the year-and-a-half I spent in the lovely countries of Belgium and the Netherlands.

During this time I was required to learn Dutch in order to communicate and teach the people in their language.  Let me tell you, it was HARD.  I struggled a lot.  And the Dutch, being a very blunt people, didn’t hesitate to let me know if I messed up.  However, after a lot of tears and frustrating days and nights, I finally started to get compliments from people.

Them: “Wow, your Dutch sounds really good!  Very impressive for an American!” (something along those lines)

Me: “Oh well I think I messed up the pronunciation of that last word, and I’m still really struggling with the whole guttural thing.”

Now in America, whomever I was having this conversation with probably would have just accepted my self-defeat, and moved the conversation along.  But not in the Netherlands.  People legitimately started getting upset with me for not accepting their compliment.

Them: “I hear you speaking Dutch, yes?  You’ve been studying, yes?  You’re here listening and understanding me, yes?”

Me: “Uhhh..yes.”

Them: “Then you say “dank je, ik doe mijn best.” (translation = “thank you, I do my best”)

“Thank you, I do my best.”  What a perfect response!  It both thanks the other person for their gracious comments, while at the same time simply acknowledging that you’ve done your best.  Which really, is all that we can do.

Bottom line: You work hard.  You are amazing!  So stop dismissing compliments that come your way!  Learn to just say “thank you, I do my best.”  And who knows--maybe you’ll finally start to see yourself the way other people see you--and trust me, you’ll be pleasantly surprised.

First comes love, then comes marriage...

You thought I was pregnant, didn't you?  I guess the title of my post might have been misleading, so let me just state for the record that NO, I am not pregnant.  Not yet anyways. :)

After Andrew and I first got engaged, I decided it would be a fun idea to use one of those websites that can morph two pictures together to see what our future children would look like.  I don't remember what site or what pictures I used, but I do remember that they asked me to describe our skin tone in the pictures.  The picture I had chosen of myself was taken in the summer and, being pretty proud of my tan, I selected "medium" skin tone for my picture.  

The result was pretty funny.  The website ended up giving us a baby that looked, well, nothing like either of us, and more like some alien version of what my baby would have looked like if Mario Lopez were the father.  I guess they took the whole medium skin toned thing pretty seriously.  I showed Andrew the picture and he was legitimately...concerned.  I guess I should have just accepted that I'm pale, no matter what time of the year it is. 

Today being Father's Day, I thought that I would give the whole morphing thing another try, this time owning up to my Caucasian roots.  Now, I get that these sites are not the most legitimate things, but I at least thought that with two good pictures, Andrew and I could get some kind of attractive baby that would give us hope for our future children.

I was wrong.  Andrew and I may be attractive people (maybe I'm biased), but according to this website our babies are going to look....interesting?  Let me show you.

Here's what they say our little boy will look like:

Not too bad, right? I mean, he's got my chubby cheeks, and Andrew's blue eyes.  I could handle this.  Hello baby boy. :)

But now let's look at our girl:

I'll be the first to say it, she looks weird.  I think it's the creepy hair and eyebrows that get me.  This baby looks more like an alien with a mullet than a baby girl.  I like to think that I bring enough cute girl genes to the table for this not to happen.

So I think I've learned my lesson: no more morphing websites.  I showed Andrew the pictures, and I think I might have scared him off, again.  I guess we'll just have to wait and see. :)

"It's not you, it's me"

Remember in high school when you wanted to break up with someone but still look classy doing it?  What were those five words you used?  That’s right, “It’s not you, it’s me.”  Five simple words and you came out of a relationship free, and hopefully still on good terms to some extent.  The thing behind this simple, easy excuse is that no one wants to talk about it what it really means.  Because guess what? When someone says, “It’s not you, it’s me,” it might really be you.  The “you” that the other person is just too nice to pinpoint as the problem in a relationship.  And the thing about “It’s not you, it’s me” is that it’s actually a pretty effective argument.  I mean, who can argue with that?

Being married and graduated from high school, college, and many immature relationships, I like to think that I have put the “It’s not you, it’s me” excuse (and all the subtle things it implies) behind me.  Then, this afternoon, I was reminded of how prevalent it still is...only this time with a completely different meaning.

Sometimes, I get mad at my husband.  Like this afternoon for example.  We were at the beginning of a long to-do list and I suddenly became overwhelmed and dramatically declared that there was no way we could get everything done.  Andrew, probably in an attempt to help calm me down replied something along the lines of, “No, it will be fine, we’ll have plenty of time.”

Unfortunately, his comment had the opposite effect.  Immediately, this itchy angry feeling boiled up inside me and I thought, “He obviously doesn’t understand!  How can he not understand? Why is he trying to frustrate me like this?  He obviously knows nothing about all we have to do!”  And with these thoughts, I snapped.

Oh, my poor husband.  In moments like these both my thinking and my actions become completely illogical, and it is only when I step back that I can realize I’m not really mad at my husband.  He has done nothing at all to deserve my little outburst.  He was just trying to help.  In this case, it really isn’t him, it’s me.

What I’m mad about is the dirty laundry.  I’m mad that my hair doesn’t look good today and that I have a big pimple on forehead that won’t go away.  I’m mad that I slept in instead of going running this morning and yet I’m still tired and just want to take a nap.  I’m mad that the sister missionaries are coming to dinner in 2 hours and I still don’t know what to make.  I’m mad about all the little, probably insignificant things that tend to make me feel like my life is falling apart.  And because Andrew is the only one around, he becomes the unfortunate victim when one little comment (even one offered with good intentions) sends me over the edge.

Can anyone relate?

So in an attempt to grow up and take responsibility for my emotions I say to Andrew and everyone else who has ever been on the receiving end of one of these emotional outbursts, “It’s not you, it’s me.”  And I really mean it this time.

What to do when there is nothing to do

So there’s this thing, this thing that I really really dislike.  So much in fact, that I don’t really even want to blog about it.  However, I hope that in swallowing my pride, fear, or whatever it is that is keeping me from wanting to talk about this “thing,” I’ll be able to find some way to deal with it.

Ok, enough being vague.  The thing=unemployment. (Cue the groan of frustration.) Unemployment, the one part of life after graduation that no one wants to talk about.  Graduation is such a doubled-edged sword.  You graduate with all the pomp and circumstance and then BAM, welcome to a life of no income and essentially, nothing to do.

A couple of weeks ago I mentioned to our primary class (a group of 6-year-olds) that I was currently jobless.  “Tell your parents,” I said, thinking about possible babysitting opportunities.  And they wasted no time, let me tell you.  The first thing they said when their parents picked them up at the end of class? “She’s unemployed.”  It somehow sounded worse hearing it come from their innocent little mouths, and I found myself stumbling over my words, trying desperately to explain, “It’s because I just graduated, and BYU doesn’t let you keep your job after graduation.”  Of course their parents then asked me what I graduated in, and as soon as I said American Studies, they smiled, nodded slightly, and wished me luck. (I get that alot.)

Now let me defend my major a bit.  While yes, American Studies is not a major that funnels me neatly into a particular field of employment, my unemployed status has less to do with my major, and more to do with the fact that Andrew and I will only be in Provo until the beginning of August, and no one wants an employee for only 3 months.

This leads me to the title of my post.  At my previous job as a secretary for the College of Fine Arts and Communications, there was a page in our handbook entitled “What to do when there is nothing to do.”  The idea was that even when the office was slow, we could always find something to do to keep working.  It’s a wonderful idea, but sometimes hard to put into practice.  Since my current situation has left me with plenty of “extra” time, I have decided to compile my own list of “What to do when there is nothing to do--aka What to do when you’re unemployed.”  It’s my hope that, unemployed or not, everyone can gain something from my ideas.

“What to do when there is nothing to do”:

1.  Wake up early--Yes, your new status allows you to sleep in as late as you want, but don’t take too much advantage of that.  The later you sleep in, the harder it becomes to make something productive of your day.  Trust me, I speak from experience.

2.  Shower and actually get ready--Even if your plan for the day is just to sit on the couch and apply for jobs online, get up, shower, and actually get dressed to look your best.  It’s amazing the difference it makes in both your attitude and your motivation.  Remember, as Dolly in Hello Dolly! sings, “There’s no blue Monday in your Sunday clothes.”  The woman speaks the truth.

3.  Eat healthy--For me it has been so tempting to eat nothing but bowl of cereal after bowl of cereal all day, every day.  As good as Honey Comb tastes, however, it does not give me nearly enough energy to get things done.  What was it that our parents always told us?  Don’t be a fool, nutrition is cool.

4.  Don’t give up hope--Some days will be better than others.  Some days you’ll get two interviews and both will seem to go really well. Other days you’ll show up to an interview and it will turn out to be in a shady basement and your interviewer will be wearing house-slippers (yes that happened...one of the reasons to be wary of Craigslist.)  The thing to take away though--it will be ok.  You’ll find the job you need, and God will take care of you in the meantime.  Just do your best, and God will do the rest.

5.  Learn to relax productively--Let’s be honest, there are only so many hours a day you can spend applying to jobs before you go crazy.  Learn to take breaks.  Productive breaks.  Go outside, go for a run, a walk, read, drive to Target and walk around (though that might not be the best idea when you don’t have an income), develop a talent.  It’s amazing the things you can get done that will be both productive and enjoyable.

All this being said, writing this list is one thing, putting it into practice is another.  I think this post has mostly been for myself, actually writing down the way I want to spend my time.  I’ll end it with some good news.  While I have yet to find a permanent position, I have been hired by a family in our ward as a nanny for a few weeks.  It’s a great blessing, and I’m excited to get started.  Let’s hope it will lead to other opportunities, as part time as they may be.  I guess telling our primary class was a good idea afterall.  That’s networking for you.

Many thanks to my six-year-old saviors.